The Dirty Dozen - 12 Things that Show I've been in London WAYYY too LONG!

Yesss folks I'm still here ....

As a preview to my blog entry tonight, I've put together this as a bit of fun:-

TWELVE THINGS TO SHOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN IN LONDON TOO LONG ....

1. You think that the house you're living in is quite big enough for your needs and that your tiny little garden is the best thing in the world.
2. You think there are way too many trees around where you're living.
3. You start thinking that the London Underground tube (aka metro) really IS the only way to travel.
4. You really look forward, every morning, to receiving and reading your very own copy of the METRO free newspaper on the tube.
5. Your walking pace is faster than most cars in the centre of London.
6. You start thinking that it's actually not so noisy and crowded along Oxford Street after all.
7. You start taking sides when they read out the football scores on Final Score on Saturdays for the London teams.
   
8. You think that London people are, in fact, DIRECT and not just bloody rude like you first thought.
   
9. You think Eastenders is the greatest programme ever made and you never miss it.
   
10. You now think that the London local news is NOT the most depressing programme on TV but is just another "day in the life of the capital".
11. You are REALLY looking forward to the 2012 London Olympic games.
    
12. You now think that Boris Johnson is really a very capable man after all and a worthy mayor.

This week has to be THE ONE!

That's what I feel inside.

SURELY I will hear something positive this week. That email which FINALLY tells me, "Yes we HAVE received your contract and we are now sending you the visa papers to be filled in".

Because once I get THAT then I KNOW it will be just over a week till I am FINALLY on that plane.

How so? Well, quite simply, I have to fill in the visa forms, send them to the agent who then, so I'm told, will get it processed in around six days. 

Having achieved THAT, it will all be done and they will then book my flight, send me the ticket, and I WILL BE OFF!

So my estimate is that as soon as the visa forms arrive in my hand then it will be around ten days (at the most conservative estimate) before I'm going.

"Oi!", shouts Pessimist Pete from the armchair. "Ten days?? Nahh, no way! Why are you suddenly THAT optimistic when they've kept you waiting over a week more than they should have??".

I try to ignore him and turn to face Ollie the Optimist. Hmm strange ..... his image is kind of translucent. I know he's there but I can't quite see him properly. I know he's there and I CAN see him but I can also see right through him.

The fact is this: I've realised now that in every week I start there is only a three-day "window" where things can happen - namely Monday (today), Tuesday and Wednesday. 

Thursdays and Fridays are obviously Islamic weekend days and Saturday and Sunday are our own UK weekend days. Therefore nothing is likely to happen at those times - well MAYBE on Saturdays if the UK side of the team are at work (which I doubt).

With THAT thought in mind, the mood darkens. Monday is as good as gone since it is 9.30pm as I sit here writing this blog entry. Nothing happened today. Ahh actually something DID happen today, but more on THAT later. And Ahh (2) - I had another phone interview on Saturday afternoon relating to a job app which I thought was long since dead. More too on THAT a little later on.

OK OK so I got nothing else to write so here goes with the two Ahh's above:

Firstly the shorter Ahh. And actually I've had two the same so this is in fact a double-Ahh or maybe a kind of twin-Ahh. Had an email yesterday to do with another Saudi job I'd applied to on tefl.com. Was short and sweet and flatly rejected my application based on the fact that .... well, that my CV wasn't good enough. And I had another email like that some time before.

Made me realise one important thing - I am just DAMN LUCKY to be in this position I'm in as regards actually being IN the application process for THIS job out in Riyadh. they're very choosy you see are the Saudis and you have to have the right things on paper first. They seem to insist you have a BA degree (an arts degree for those of you not familiar with UK university terminology, and that includes languages). I have a science degree and only obtained, as we say in (ex) student land, a "desmond". Ohh must I explain that?? OK then - my degree class was 2:2. Desmond Tutu was for many years the archbishop of one of the South African churches and a very famous man worldwide. You gotta think phonetically!! GET IT??

Anyway I digress horribly. My point is that I now feel very privileged that I was both short-listed and now am indeed on the point of GOING THERE! AND it would now seem to me that I would have less of a chance of getting any other Saudi job due to their insistance on what you must have on paper. Yes, they want experience too which I DO have a-plenty. But I don't have the "right things".

Actually, thinking back to that telephone interview I had way back in late November. I really thought I'd blown it and didn't have much of a chance. Too many of their questions I had to answer with NO or a not-so-positive answer. Had I done much IELTS? No but I know what it involves. Had I lived in a Middle East country before? No. Had I taught in a university environment before? No. Did I know this coursebook that they use? No. Pretty fundamental things were missing from my TEFL life. And when they told me I'd have to contact them in January because they were full back then in November, I actually thought I wouldn't bother because I was surely not up to standard.

This also makes me think about how long to give it out there. It may be that there are few other real employment chances in Saudi Arabia for me. OK, doesn't have to be Saudi next time, but they DO pay the best. So maybe I shouldn't be so hasty in any decisions I come to at end of June. Not that I'm thinking THAT far ahead just yet!! Hey - I haven't even got THIS one in the bag yet!! C'mon!!

OK, on to Ahh Number Two. It was Saturday morning at about 8.30am. My mobile phone rang. At first I thought it was an alarm call (yes, my ringtone and alarm tones ARE the same!!). So I reached over to get the phone and saw a number. It WAS RINGING. A number I didn't recognise which began +96 which I thought might be somewhere out in that region. I answered and it was an Indian-sounding lady who gave her name and said she was calling from Oman. I didn't quite register that for a moment, but then I remembered that ages ago I HAD indeed been interested in a job in that country. Anyway, she said, would I be ready for an interview at about 11am UK time? Indeed I would! Then I remembered that the last time I had had any info about that Oman job, I'd been told there had been no response from the people involved. And HERE suddenly there was something happening. Was there an email I hadn't read? Only if it had come that morning early (checked later but was nothing).

I had to quickly revise what I knew about this job, which wasn't much at all. No time to prepare any meaningful questions. And anyway - was I REALLY interested now? After all, they'd take another month to get THEIR papers ready which would be too late.

Had the interview anyway. Wasn't impressed. The phone kept beeping at their end together with loud noises which sounded like they were at war. And the guy I spoke to didn't know anything about any contract details. He didn't advertise it well either saying that the students weren't that motivated anyway as they "had it all" in life. OK, fine!

Anyway my impression wasn't good, but I sent them the reference they asked for just to "show willing". I trust my instinct now, and my instinct was worried

This will be for backup purposes only. Yes, it maybe IS a nicer country and yes, I WOULD be closer to the sea and yes, maybe the food promises to be nicer. BUT I'm going out there for financial reasons first and foremost and I want to be sure of WHERE I'm going. It's a long way to go to then find out it's a disorganised shambles. So I'm not too worried about it.

OK, now I'm about to do two things that I will FOR SURE not be able to do out in that region. I'm gonna have a beer and have sausages for dinner. Mmmm .... enjoy while I can!! See you!!!

All things come to him who waits ....

.... provided he knows what he is waiting for.

Wise words. This time from Woodrow Wilson, ex-USA president of, I think, the 1920's.

Yes I DO know what I'm waiting for. Well, I know the $$$ part anyway. Other? Not sure at ALL.

Got my book on "The Essential Guide to Saudi Culture and Customs" now. Rather smaller and thinner than I had hoped and so far it's a mixed read. Starts off with a potted history of the country and of Islam and of the Prophet himself. Well, BEFORE that bit I skipped right to the end for the Etiquette and Do's and Dont's kind of stuff (NO I'm not a great whodunnit reader - don't have the patience for that kind of stuff. And anyway if you watch Columbo you ALWAYS know who the bad guy is from the start!). 

So what did I learn? Well the history etc. I wasn't THAT interested with. Ohh come ON! I might not be there longer than end June so WHY dive into THAT so deep! No, it was the culture/customs side that was more interesting.

According to what I've read and adding to what I knew before, Arabs don't care much for people they don't know. Pushing you aside in shops etc. is, so the book says, part of the game. "It's not rudeness, they just don't know you!", the book assures me. Oh OK, yeah, that makes me feel a lot better. Yup, something REALLY to look forward to - being pushed aside in the course of getting my groceries. 

Actually, hmmm .... I seem to remember reading a similar thing about so-called "babushkas" in Russian shops that they push and elbow you aside "hard enough to bruise you!". Well I never did go out there after reading that (and more besides). Put it this way - you want to feel at LEAST that you can complete your daily search for bread and cheese and not be comparing injuries with your expat colleagues like it's some kind of rugby game or "morning after"!

Ahh but the book does go on to say that the more you go in a particular shop, they will get to know you and the smiles will come fast once you get past that stage. All depends on what kind of shop that is I guess. I mean, do you aim to keep going in shops you don't like just to get to know the locals? Got to be better ways. But, as opportunities for mixing with locals are apparently not as common as I'm used to, maybe it's a good tactic. OK, so I hope for a good cheese shop out there ....

Right then, it's update time. And err ..... well, not much more to tell you. I had a phone call from the main guys who are dealing with my application after a couple of emails I had sent with some questions. Are they getting tired of my questions already? Well, I don't have any more for now guys so CALM DOWN!

So what did they tell me? Well it was a useful phone call actually (even though I was outdoors in the freezing cold at the time). I was told that it would likely be another two weeks before my contract was received back from Saudi due to Christmas and New Year delays both at the UK end and the Saudi end. Well, as I mentioned before, 29th December is the Islamic New Year so fair enough. And it has been an unusually long holiday period over here due to midweek Xmas / New Year. Anyway, I just wanted to know that things were happening. 

Also they said they hadn't received the results of my medical yet. For a moment, I braced myself for the worst, but then breathed again when they said this was OK. If there HAD been anything found, they would have reported it right away. OK, so no problem.

What they DID tell me was that most likely I would be out there for end January. This would mean a few days teaching in that last week. It would then be end of semester one and I would THEN have ..... TWO WEEKS HOLIDAY!!

WHAT a way to start!!

Been thinking about that first time(s) when I'll be in that classroom (or whatever form it takes). Although I feel confident in my knowledge and general teaching stuff, what I'm NOT sure of is how I'll deal with the very different teaching style at first. I mean the very teacher-centered way, the probable lack of student-student interaction that there'll be (and therefore the more talking I'll have to do!). I rather suspect I'll be flung in at the deep end without being able to see it all in action first simply because of my late arrival.

My Dad pointed out something - if they were so keen to get me out there, HOW are they managing right now being one teacher short? No NO - I am NOT blowing my own trumpet. If a school is a teacher short, then others will be having to fill in and do extra hours or overtime or whatever. My arrival will end all that. SOMEONE won't like me then :D :D

Maybe it annoys them too that they WANT to get me out there but the bureaucracy is slowing THEM down too. So HOW would they have managed if, as originally planned, they wanted me to contact them in January? When would I be out there in THAT case?

All this waiting makes for a lot of thinking time. And, as Joe Strummer and the boys once yelled, "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?". Well, I'm talking about when we get to end of June. My decision originally is to be based on if I have enjoyed the experience as a whole. Now I am thinking that if all this bureaucracy takes so long, then it seems a waste of time to give up the job so soon after a mere 6 months. And then there is another question - if I decide to only do the six months, then what are my chances of getting back at another time? Would they have me again? Would ANOTHER Saudi or Middle East employer take me on after seeing how short a time I spent in Riyadh? Do I REALLY want to blow my chances of any future big-money employment out in that region?

The answer to that last question is a great, big NOOOOO!! The others? Too much of the unknown at this time. I can't say right now. But it is food for my own thought.

All I can do, my friends, is refer you back to the title of this blog post entry ....

"How much of human life is lost in waiting!"

Yup it was that much-quoted American, Ralph Waldo Emerson who first said these words way back in the 19th century. And how right he was. But I'd like to add to that by saying that, "In the presence of the Unknown, Use what you Know".

However, what DO I know exactly? Well, I'm still waiting that eternal wait as RWE so frowned upon above. Yes yes OK OK so it's New Year (HAPPY NEW YEAR if I haven't wished it to you before!) and everyone's a bit slow in getting back to work and yes - that includes those who are slowly slowly processing my .... well whatever part of my application is on their desks right now.

I'm trying to think if there is anything I could have done to make this go any faster. Maybe just maybe I did delay things a little back in early December when I was worried that I might not be doing what I'm doing now - that is, being in London enjoying the Christmas and New Year period with my son (ohhhh! Many of you did not know THAT before!! Well you do NOW!). This period of December-January was looking like it was not going to happen at ALL as I thought I'd be whisked away ASAP into the Saudi sunset because of the apparent urgency of THAT email message that started all this off. Of course I did not know about the delays that come about in processing of contracts, visas and the like PLUS the holiday season on both sides of the .... well I mean in the UK and in Saudi Arabia itself. Perhaps in early December things COULD have moved faster, but I posted off my certificates and did what I was required to do quickly enough.

My "delay tactics" might have gone a bit wrong since I realised something important this evening.

In the initial telephone interview, they talked about the fact that they were full and that I should come back in January. THEN I had the "last-minute entries PLEASE!" email a few weeks after that and then the ball was rolling. BUT, going back to that phone interview, I now recall that they spoke of two semesters .... and the SECOND SEMESTER they said begins IN FEBRUARY!!

Now, I sincerely hope I am wrong about this. What I assumed was that they wanted to get me out there ASAP - hence the urgency of that email. But NOW I've had a horrible thought that they've decided to .... yes, you've guessed it .... to get me out there for the start of February.

This is really NOT good. Waiting till end January for some money is gonna stretch me enough, but if that is extended to end FEBRUARY then it really WILL push my minimal budget and patience to the absolute limit.

I don't know if I can wait that long but right now it makes sense that I might HAVE TO.

"C'mon C'mon David", you say, "Kick that pessimistic monkey off yer back this INSTANT!". Yes, OK, he is up there again talking to me. He had been away a while looking for his chance to get back on, and now maybe here it is!

I want to see more of Ollie the Optimist and less of Pete the Pessimist. I'm far too used to entertaining ol' Pete lately and really I wanna show him the door and NOT have him back. Ollie, where ARE you mate? You only went outside for a moment! C'mon - it's getting cold! GET BACK HERE!!!

Nah! Surely the upswing in my life IS going on and up, and that next time I sit to write this I will be chuckling at what the HELL I wrote here tonight. Yeah sure I will be (OLLIE! Where ARE YOU??).

The status of my application is this as I understand it: right now I have a "Provisional Job Offer" which will become a job offer "in full" once I have my visa, once I have satisfactorily completed my medical (check!) and once confirmation has been received that the university is happy to have me out there. Hmm ..... only ONE out of four do I know for sure HAS been completed and that's only because I did it myself (well ..... there was a doctor present too!). I'm assuming too that nothing came up in the medical which will surprise me and that there is no reason why I should not be accepted by the university in Riyadh.

One slight worry is my passport which may impact on the visa process AND may well delay things when I actually GET to Saudi. The thing is that the photo page of my passport does not have the machine-readable strip at the bottom (you know - all the digits and letters and stuff). It was the passport I got from the British Embassy back in 2002 and travelling in mainland Europe isn't a problem. BUT now we're talking about going further and about a country where delays at customs are expected and may be exacerbated by things such as this. And delays might turn into suspicion. Hah, you think me paranoid? When coming to London this Christmas the guys at the Polish end of my flight (at the departure gate) eyed my passport suspiciously, ran their fingers across the page, showed it to each other, asked me what my middl name was and asked me where I had got that passport. Another time a few years back, it was the immigration official at the London end who informed me that such a passport with no machine-readable strip would quite simply mean I would not get through if I wanted to go to the USA.

That has always bothered me. And NOW I'm going to a country's airport where bureaucracy and delays are commonplace and where there is no nice EU border to retreat behind if all goes belly-up.

Yeah - Pete is in now .... puttin' his feet up and gettin' comfy. Where HAS that guy Ollie got to??

When all I can do is wait, then it gives me time to think and time to worry. But yes - it IS fear of the unknown and fear when I myself am not in control of the process.

I hope I'm wrong and then I can give Pete the Pessimist a good KICK outta here for GOOD soon!