Heat Goes UP, English Goes DOWN!

Sunday 31st May 2009
Well ....

We're in to Week 7 of the course. And now boredom is setting in. Or it's getting too hot. Or I've had enough. Or Monitor Man is stirring them up maybe with Leg Man in assistance. Or .... Or ....

Whatever it is, my Bad Day Count per week is increasing. The end of last week together with the first two days of this one have brought more bad days than I've been used to recently.

What kind of bad days? Well, their attention to me is decreasing rapidly. And THIS time I mean from the BEGINNING of the day and not from post-break time as it used to be.

Not all of them. BUT currently the chair arrangement is bad and I must fix it tomorrow. There is a row of chairs at the front of the class and all others have been pushed back against the wall. This means that there is a big gap between the two and the result of this is that the ones at the back think they can talk and chat and create as much disturbance as they like because .... well, maybe they think I can't hear them or they feel they're 'safe' back there. Or maybe they distance themselves from the class and therefore they don't feel a part of it now. I REALLY don't know, and quite frankly I don't want to even THINK about it now as it's the day end and I'm trying to enjoy it.

Now, back to Leg Man. At the end of the lesson on Wednesday he came to me and said he would NOT be absent in the week to come. Good, I said. However, he added, “inshallah”, to what he had said. Now, OK, I know that ALL muslims say Inshallah to everything but to me it's a bloody poor excuse to do what the hell they like because they can justify that it is “meant to be” because 'Him Upstairs' wishes it that way.

But I don't buy it. In fact, it excuses NOTHING. They drive like crazy because “inshallah”. They don't work hard because “inshallah”. They don't study for the test because “inshallah” they will get through it OK.

Is, “inshallah”, some sort of code for “I am a lazy sod and this is my excuse for not putting any effort in!” ?? Because THAT”S what it looks like to me! ESPECIALLY in the case of Leg Man. Yes, as you have predicted already, Lesson 1 Period 1 on Saturday he was of course very late to the class and, as is standard procedure, I marked him as absent. The ONLY absent one yesterday and for most of today. And what did HE say about it? Ohh, wide eyes! WHY am I absent, he says. He can't believe it that AGAIN I have marked him absent. Everyone else is OK but just HIM absent.

Yes, MORON, you are ABSENT!! It is NOBODY'S FAULT but you're own. I do not mark absent just for fun, but simply because you are not in the classroom when I do the register. AND I even don't do the register until about five minutes after the official lesson start. So you get five minutes FREE! And yet STILL you can't get yourself here on time!

Ohhh, but even when he IS here, there are more problems. Does he have a pen? Or writing paper? NO AND NOOO!! He comes to class totally unprepared to take part in the lesson. So of course since he doesn't HAVE a pen, he can't do the work that the others are doing. SO what does he do instead? Talk, chat and generally distract. Oh, and SLEEP too!

Ah, now I must be fair here. It is not only him who does the talking and distracting. In fact, compared to HIM, Monitor Man is FAR WORSE. Not only does HE do almost nothing, but he talks ACROSS the classroom to anyone and everyone who will listen. And unfortunately they DO listen to him and they turn around and then it all goes to hell.

I don't know if I mentioned last time, but I gave them a test last Wednesday. It is a regular thing I do with them every three weeks. If anything, it gets them to, at LEAST, sit down and study just a BIT of what I have tried to put into their tiny minds. If ever there was justification for a test then THIS is it – a Test is a tool used by teachers to ENSURE their students are paying attention and that they SOMETIMES do study their English (even if it is only the night before!)

Well .... last time the results were pretty good and I felt I'd achieved something good. THIS time, however, the results were really rather poor. The marks ranged from 63 percent down to 43 percent (this excludes the new student who only got 26percent). Compare THAT with a range from 72percent down to 48percent and you see two things – one good and one not so good. The GOOD point is that the gap between top and bottom student has narrowed slightly from 24percent down to 20percent. HOWEVER, the SECOND thing is that the standard of marks TOO has gone down. And this happened particularly with those at the top end who dropped something between five and nine percentage points off their previous effort.

Why did this happen? I don't know for sure. In many cases it was because they simply did NOT read the question properly and flashed through far too fast. A problem with students in general in many cases. But a big mark-loser! Secondly (and this one was expected) the difficulty level of what we had done had gone up. Thirdly, they didn't study enough I'm sure (if at all!). Fourthly, perhaps those at the top end couldn't be bothered to study thinking they'd be alright without it. The “inshallah” effect again! After all, why bother to study if it is determined ALREADY what will happen?

Of course, the test itself may have been too difficult. No no, my friends, I do not put ALL blame on the students. Possibly it was too long – in particular the first Paper. This time I put in more sections than before trying to have more variety. Oh, AND I used some pictures for items such as Parts Of The Body and I wanted a picture for them to write about too (THAT went fairly well!) Next time maybe I will not put in quite so much. Just if I take out one question or ten-marks worth it might do the trick.

But WHY do I want to be nice to them??

Ah, now, another thing about the test itself on Test Day. Well I had to deduct marks from FIVE of them for copying, communicating and talking. I gave warnings more than twice. In fact, if I had chosen to be MORE strict then MANY MORE of them would have been deducted marks.

So what happened? Well, one guy at the back got it first. I noticed he still had his bluetooth earpiece on but decided to leave it there. However, at the start of the test he was talking. I told him twice or maybe three times to stop but he carried on. RIGHT THEN! Over I went to his paper and crossed out the section he was on! MARKS GONE!!

The next two were more eye-opening. And the COPYING ones were .... well, they were just taking the mickey! At the end of the time for Paper 1 I went around collecting them in. Did I say already I have a new student? Well, yes, and he arrived at the start of the week. He is, apparently, a cousin of Monitor Man (same surname). Anyway, at the end of this part of the test I was collecting in the papers. I started at the back and his and his cousin, Monitor Man's, I collected in last. And WHAT did I find?? I came to find that Monitor Man was writing the answers for his cousin's test paper!!

At first I thought, Ohh this is just too stupid to care about. But then I thought that i HAD to do something. This could NOT be allowed to happen! What the HELL did this guy think he was doing? Does he think the classroom rules and regulations of the test do NOT apply to him and to his cousin?? They apply as MUCH as to anyone ELSE in that class!

So I decided I was going to deduct BOTH of therm TEN MARKS each and told them so. Utter disbelief on their part! “But do you think it is RIGHT or GOOD that you are doing HIS test??”, I demanded to know. No, it was not good, Monitor Man agreed. So the penalty had to be paid. On and on they went about how this cousin was a new student and maybe he needed help. NOT during the TEST though!!

No, that guy was taking the mickey and was once AGAIN thinking that he is a law unto himself and that, just because of his “privileged position” with his little job that he was above everyone else. WAKE UP BUDDY and SMELL THE COFFEE!! YOU are a student here as are ALL the others.

Know what HE got in the test (I mean, Monitor Man)?? A measly 48 PERCENT!! Pathetic! Even if he had NOT lost his ten marks, it would STILL be not much better. HAH!! A kick up HIS backside!! Bloody know-it-all!!!

Now to the 'communicators'. This was right at the end of Paper 2. Two of them who always sit at the back were talking together. Again, as is standard, I told them more times than I should have to stop this and each time they said it was the last time. But then they did it that once more, and that was it. Over I went and ten marks off each of THEM!

This was a pity but had to be done.

On marking those two's papers, it is quite 'uncanny' how they got almost the same mark for the test overall!!

Was I born yesterday? Sorrrrreeeeee boyssssssss!!!!! Try another sucker for THAT one!!

SO it was an eventful test as you can see!

On a final note, I am happy to say that our infamous Mr Leg Man was bottom of the heap with a measly 43 percent.

That reminds me of something else. Two days after the key throwing incident I went to see the multi-striped guy in charge of Student Affairs. The same one who had come in the day before to haul him out for a dressing-down. Now, I didn't expect to hear much positive but I wanted to find out what had been said and also to put in my point of view. What I was told was that, “Maybe it was some kind of misunderstanding”, or maybe a language problem. Well, language problem maybe, but there IS no kind of personality clash as was being suggested. I explained what had happened on that key throwing day and I also told the man what this Leg Man is like on the whole. On the Discipline Report there was not room to explain fully enough so it was clear that I needed to. I think this man understood the situation better. No action was explicitly mentioned straight away, though if there was any MORE trouble with him then I should come back.

I was not clear after that what action THEY had taken apart from tell him what a naughty boy he had been. Had he been booted out of the class? No, for sure not because he was back in that class at the end of Lesson 4. Was that the last I'd see of him? Well, evidently not since he appeared on Saturday as normal.

So quite WHAT will happen or indeed what HAS happened is unclear. However, the situation will be monitored and I will NOT let things deteriorate with him further.

I am wondering whether to talk to this guy about the behaviour of Monitor Man seeing as he is such a “Favoured One” and has his “job” to do. My opinion is that Monitor Man knows he is 'untouchable' because nothing will happen to him whatever I say. Therefore nothing I say will do any good. HOWEVER, I am certainly NOT going to ignore it! If those two were not in the class, then everything would go SO MUCH BETTER. That has been proved time and time again. Today was a prime example. I was so wound up by Lesson 4 that i counted down to a set time and then marked EVERYONE who was NOT in that classroom at that time as absent. Of COURSE this included everyone's favourite, “Gruesome Twosome”, who could not believe that I had done such a thing and promptly disappeared out the door again together with one other I had marked absent.

Have to laugh now!! A few minutes later both Leg Man and the other guy who had also left came BACK into the classroom looking like they'd had a GOOD telling off!! Obviously been caught sneaking out and told to GET BACK IN sharpish!! But .... Monitor Man, who had ALSO left with them, did NOT reappear.

See what I mean? It seems the rules of the classroom do NOT apply in his case! WHAT I am I supposed to do with THAT??

As I sit here tonight writing this, I have counted that there are 53 teaching days to go until the summer. This already takes account of the Every-Fourth-Wednesday student day that they are allowed, the one-week holiday/break that is coming in mid-June and the days that will be Test Days.

I am counting these because I am now feeling increasingly under pressure and I seem to be coming back to my room much more often feeling like a bad day was had. Yes, I AM a very experienced teacher as most of you will know of 13 teaching years in length. But MOST of my teaching has been with the ADULT end of the market. I do NOT have so much experience with the teenage age group.

“But they ARE adults!!”, you say. In terms of age, yes they are. BUT in terms of student age and mental age, most of them ARE still VERY IMMATURE. They do NOT understand what it is to be a student. Fundamental things like bringing a pen and writing to paper EVERY lesson are SERIOUSLY lacking for a large number of them. Only today in the back row there were two pens being passed between FIVE OF THEM!! Therefore that meant three of them had a “good excuse” to do nothing and to chat, play with phones and distract.

Answer me this – HOW do you keep order in a class where so MANY of your students don't have the fundamental things they need to MAKE USE of that class time??

No, no. I don't require ANY of my students to be perfect learning machines. Everyone learns differently. But this is a CLASSROOM, NOT A PLAYGROUND!!!

And speaking of 'playground', the silliest things keep some of them amused. Like pulling the blinds up and down. Like wiggling a pen up and down in your fingers. Like talking to the teacher in Arabic which he won't understand. Oh, and of COURSE like talking on your mobile phone in class. And playing with it and making noises.

But of course to them that's OK because this is their precious phone and costs a lot of money (which they enjoy telling me about).

Last week, I brought in my phone for a language presentation on Comparing Things. Was a good idea and I will do it again. But ohh – such an old phone I have, they said (it ISN'T so old). And, said one, my phone cost 2000 riyals and what about yours? Well, I said, about eight times less. And for sure I'll have more money than THEY do for other things.

No no, I didn't say that last part. But I wanted to.

So .... how can I get their attention back? And do I WANT TO? Well, I suppose the wellbeing of the class depends on it. About ten more weeks to go. A LOOOONG ROAD ahead and if things are not going to go well then it's uphill all the way.

I don't wanna do it! Yes yes, think of the money. Ah yes, I've just had my 'payslip' for May. Always brings a smile to my face, though it IS only May and we're not even into the Big Bad Summer.

OK, enough writing now. Time for some tea.

The Case of the Flying Keys ... and Wallet and Cap and .....

Monday 25th May 2009
Well, this is a kind of follow-on from the last blog diary entry in some ways.

Having had the key-throwing incident in class, I was advised I should report it under the Disciplinary heading. I filled out the rather short form and did just that. All I was able to write was a very brief sentence to say what had happened. Thought I'd need, at least, to give more detail of what had led up to it.

OMG!! I've just realised that I'm jumping the gun and you haven't a clue what I'm on about! Last time it was the fish, this time something new. Though definitely NOT something I'll remember with much fondness.

OK, now I'm trying to get the details right properly here before I tell it to you. As you might have guessed already, this incident involved “everybody's favourite”, pair of idiot students – the monitor/supervisor and his 'friend' who I have called 'Leg Man'. Most of it revolves around Leg Man this time, and the results from what happened yesterday have continued through today.
OK, so .... students and mobile phones. NOT a happy combination when it's inside the classroom, though most of the time there is little we, as teachers, can do about it especially when our students are normal adult ones. THESE, however, are childish soldier boy teenage-minded types and in THAT case such things as the humble mobile phone become Weapons Of Insanity. Insanity for the teacher when they are constantly going off and interrupting almost everything you do.

The thing is, what I'd LIKE to do is go round with a bag at the start of every lesson collecting them up and taking them away, switching them off and giving them back later. However, it would not be a good idea here (or anywhere) really. Students are, as we all are, very attached to their phones and don't like to let them out of their sights. And how would I feel MYSELF if the teacher wanted to take MINE away? Wouldn't work well, would it? So THAT is not a road to go down.

Of course there ARE those students who have no consideration for the fact that this is Lesson Time. The mobile phone is not supposed to be the central point of my lesson. And yet, CONSTANT ringtones which are on the highest volume level never stop. Drives me ABSOLTELY POTTY!! Of course, they say, “Sorry, Sorry!”, but don't actually do anything to, for example, put their phone into Silent Mode which would help things a great deal.
And then there are the students whose mobile phones ARE their centre of attention. Not me, not the lesson topic and not any worksheets that come around but their own bloody PHONE. After all, if you don't understand or don't WANT to understand what is going on, then your mobile phone is the way out, isn't it?

OK, as always I digress terribly. On this occasion (yesterday during, I think, Lesson 3) the usual Leg Man talking and distracting others was going on. He and Monitor Man (from now on) were doing what they always do – talking over me and playing with their phones and NOT doing any of the lesson work.

Monitor Man has two phones. One of them kept going off or he was listening to his music on it and we could all hear it. Basically my idea is that so long as those two are not distracting others with their idiocy, then I leave them be. So I told him to turn off his phone once. “OK, OK”, he said, but then surprise, surprise AGAIN it happened. And again, a third time or maybe fourth time (don't remember, but whatever it was, it was ENOUGH!). THIS time I'd had enough of this. So I went over to Monitor Man and took his phone away and placed it on the large 'lectern desk' at the front and continued.

Nope, cos then MORE phone noises. Turned around to SEE Leg Man WITH his phone out of his pocket doing 'something' and looking at me. It was obvious he was doing this JUST to wind me up (and was succeeding!). So THAT WAS IT and I went over to him to take it off him too as I'd just done with Monitor Man. He wouldn't give it to me. I stood there with my hand held out and waited. “Who are you?”, he said, as if to say, “What right do YOU have to take MY phone away? You're not police!”. He'd said that to me before. Thinks that I have no right to take it away, except that I DO!

Well he wouldn't give it to me. In answer to his, “Who are you?”, I replied, “I'm the teacher and who are YOU?”. “Student and soldier!”, was his reply. “Ohh, a STUDENT! Really!”, I quick-fired back. “A student with no pen, no paper and no books are you?”. This, “Who are you?”, had really annoyed me and I wasn't going to let it lie.

And now my reply seemed to have got to him for some reason. When I was back on the “stage” at the front, he decided he was going to do something. What he did was say, “OK, so HERE you are! Take this!”, and with that he THREW his three sets of keys, cigarette packet, cig lighter, army cap towards me on thew stage.

None of them hit me or that really WOULD have been trouble. I stood there looking at these things of his there on the floor and thought, “RIGHT!”. I went over to the class bin and picked it up. It was about half full of coffee cups and other random things. I said, “OK, I see you don't want your things so we'll just put them here in the bin!”, and took the bin over to his things there on the floor.

I really WAS going to put them, ALL of them right there in that bin. SO ANGRY I was inside, but didn't show it outside of course.

WHAT A THING for a student to do! Who the BLOODY HELL does this guy think he is?

Throwing things at me? Yes, and all the other students were there to see this.

So there was I, bin in hand going for his things. Perhaps it wasn't a wise thing to do. However, THEN, he and his stupid friend Monitor Man got up to pick those things up and they got there before me. Monitor Man of course with his stupid smile that is fixed on there. I wanted to TAKE those things and put them ALL in that bin, but I got none. They had picked them up, I brought the bin to them but they, of course, didn't put anything there. The idiot even wanted to put Leg Man's hat into MY pocket, which was too small in any case and which I for SURE didn't want anywhere near me.

So the things were picked up, and I returned the bin to its normal place. But that was IT for me! I finished off the lesson by just giving them out grammar worksheets to do by themselves with little input from me.

My 'Bin Threat' obviously hit a raw nerve. At the very end of Lesson 4, all the students had gone and I was tidying up. Leg Man stayed behind. Not because I'd asked him to, but he seemed to want to tell me something. But his English is so poor that he couldn't express himself properly enough. The two things he did manage to say were as follows: first he showed me his (wedding?) ring which he told me had cost 40,000 riyals. “So what?”, I said and carried on tidying up. Then he was going on about the Saudi king, that he lived in his palace and had lots of people around him and that, I think, in comparison with HIM our Queen of England was nothing.

Well, BOTH times I had NO IDEA what he was trying to say or the point he was making. But what I figured is that it was a veiled THREAT to me. Perhaps I'm paranoid, but it seemed to be along the lines of, “I've got lots of money, look at my expensive ring, Saudi king good, English queen bad, you are like THAT! Don't mess with me!”. That is my interpretation, but it may be an incorrect one. However, he DID say it to me with a serious face which is NOT a face he has that often. So I take it he wasn't complementing me.

Went back to school early because I'd been told I was needed to invigilate in some test or other. Told one other teacher about this that had happened. Now, this teacher is one of the more experienced ones, and he suggested I submit a Student Disciplinary Report because we can't have this sort of thing going on. Seemed like a good thing to do so I went and got one. As I said earlier, there wasn't much space to write about what had happened, but I filled it in anyway. The secretary showed it to our Head of Department who reacted with an, “Ooh!”, like this was something he hadn't seen for some time. He then took it upstairs to whoever it was meant to go to with a typically dismissive, “Don't know what good it'll do!”, type of comment.

SO now we come to today and today's lessons over at the normal military location I do. As always, Leg Man was late and so I marked him absent yet ONE MORE time. Didn't matter to me so long as he wasn't here. Shortly after the lesson start, a knock at the door and in came .... well I don't know who he is or what his position is, but he had a lot of stripes on his shoulder and some of those “coloured strips” that military types have above their left breast pocket. I remembered that I'd seen him before as he was the man in Week 1 who had told me not to mark Monitor Man absent because he had been helping him. Anyway, obviously a man of importance and rank, and he asked if Leg Man was here. “No, he is late as usual”, I replied. “Well, when he comes in, could you send him up to my office please?”, he replied. He then looked back into the classroom and was saying something to the students in Arabic and moved a chair. Instantly they all got up and moved THEIR chairs back into the 'rows and columns' arrangement it was in at the start of the course. Later he came back AGAIN looking for Leg Man and spied that one student had a coffee cup. He reminded me that no drinks were allowed in lessons. I actually hadn't seen this coffee cup. But anyway, EVENTUALLY he DID get his man.

This was good because THIS was the guy who I had intended to speak to myself during the long break. Now it seemed I didn't need to as he was fully aware of what was going on. My Disciplinary Report had VERY quickly been acted upon!

HAH!! The wheels were in MOTION! NOW I'd have this guy's ass hauled over the coals! And maybe, just maybe, THIS would be the final straw and he would FINALLY get booted out where he belongs! Back next year, asshole!

Well, Leg Man didn't come in until, apparently, late into Lesson 1. I didn't see him come, but when he did, I gather he had been called into the office together with Monitor Man who, I suppose, was there in his role as supervisor (and PAH to THAT!).

The other students knew what was going on. In fact, so did the students in the OTHER class. When I went out for break later, the officers were looking at me as though THEY knew who I was too. Had I created SUCH a stir? Well, GOOD if I had, because THIS incident was NOT going to get away lightly!

Leg Man was in and out of the classroom at various points during the day. A little later on, the shorter, fat officer who has the office next to the classrooms came in to take him out. And THEN in Lesson 3, the multi-striped and decorated man returned to take Leg Man out again and said he was taking him TO THE COLLEGE!

WAS THIS THE END?

Seemed to be, except that right at the end of Lesson 4 he was back again.

So is he out or isn't he?

Chances are that even if he IS out, his dad will have some influence somewhere and he will then reappear “as if by magic” a few weeks later. That's the way it often works here.

But I'm VERY pleased at the speed by which those officer guys have dealt with this situation. It could easily have been just a report which, after submission, could have just laid on someone's desk uncared for. But THIS time it was acted on with swiftness and effect.

This is the first time I have EVER had a student of ANY kind throw things at me. I hope it's the last. Now, if you wanted, you could argue the toss over the INTENT of this guy. You could say, “Well, he didn't intend to hit you because if he HAD then he would have thrown these things properly!”. I DON'T CARE what his intent was. The POINT is that it was an act of TOTAL INDISCIPLINE and there is NO WAY I am going to have such a thing happen in MY classroom. I want this guy NAILED and I want it done properly. The guy NEVER does any work, hardly ever brings a pen or paper, and as for books? Well, dream on! He does nothing all lesson, and his only contribution is to distract everyone. The others seem to find him amusing to a point, and often I see various people turned around talking to him and his Monitor Man friend.

Ah, one more thing I forgot. After the key-throwing and after they were all picked up, I had a go at them all reminding them ONCE MORE that, basically, if they want to get to the college next year then they have to get good marks, have good attendance etc. etc. but even THEN this moron was not listening to me. And now something interesting because he and one other very vocal, strong-willed student from the other side of the classroom had quite an argument!
Certainly shut HIM up for a while! And it showed me that at least I do have support of some kind from within the class in my “battle”. And that's ONE positive thing to take from this. This guy AND Monitor Man remain mostly isolated in terms of the fact that they do nothing and most others work quite well. Yes, there ARE the distractions, but we must keep in mind that the MAJORITY of students in this class are no trouble and DO want to be there and to learn. NOT the case that they are all like these two idiots!

Phew! That'll do for now. I was going to talk about the new teacher who has just arrived and is whipping up a storm of his own. But I'll save it for next time. See ya!

Something Fishy in my Classroom ... literally!!

Wednesday 20^th May 2009

OK now. Today we're talking literal and non-literal meanings. Of WHAT exactly? Well, of what it means when I say that really there WAS something 'fishy' going on yesterday morning in my classroom.

I'll spill the beans – no need to keep you hanging on too long. There's lots more to come.

Now, some of you may know that I've been doing this English teacher 'thing' since 1995 – yes, nearly a whole 14 years of it will have passed when September comes around again. Ah, but then you have to take away the one-year break from 2007 to 2008 when I was in London trying to “make it” online.

Anyway, during this time I've had some nice presents from students. Usually they come at school year end and often include ordinary, everyday items like chocolates, ties, photo books and that sort of thing.

Yesterday, however, I had a “present” the like of which I have never had before, that I never WANTED before and that I hope is not GOING to happen again ....

So – there I was yesterday. Ordinary start to an ordinary Tuesday morning in class. I'm there checking the class register as I do every morning. The usual people are late so I mark them as absent as we are obliged to do. Soon, the door opens and in they come – those two clowns. The monitor/supervisor guy and his 'buddy', the guy who STILL has his foot in plaster from Week 1 Lesson 2. “Hello, Hello Teacher!”, they greet me as they come in hoping to get all the attention they can even though I'm more than ready to start the lesson. “I have this for you today!”.

And the monitor/supervisor guy has in his hand a plastic bag with .... a FISH inside it. A dead one of course. “This is for you”, he says and seems pleased with himself and his 'offering'.

“What the HELL is THIS?”, I think to myself!! Of all the things for a student to actually BRING into class, THIS has to be the weirdest ever whether as a 'gift' or otherwise. I mean, A FISH IN A BAG!!

No, I don't know what sort of fish it was. Standard fish market size, not especially big, silver scales, quite thin. I'm no expert on dead fish, you see. I don't need to be, I figure. But now maybe this is a skill I need to practice if this is the start of “Fish Gift Week” or something.

Well, of course I didn't want such a thing and didn't want it in the classroom stinking up the place. I suppose it was fairly fresh and recently bought. Possibly he saw it on his way in. Yeah right – I mean, it's the first thing you think of on your way into an English lesson, isn't it? “Hmm, yes, maybe the Teacher would like a FISH today”. Most students think of bringing the usual studenty things like pens, paper, notebook, bag etc. But THIS numbskull's head was elsewhere.

I think he did it just to get a reaction from me, which he succeeded in doing. I told him to take it away because I didn't want it on my desk or in the room. No, he wouldn't take it away but persisted in his nasty, evil-faced grin that he seems to have fixed on his face rather too often. Yeah yeah – a nice joke to play on the teacher today and let's see what he will do! So it was on my desk and I didn't want it. I wanted to get it out of the room and out of my sight. Such a STUPID thing to bring! Jeez that guy really winds me up!! He comes in late with his friend, Leg Man and they come round my desk like they're trying to be old buddies and like they think I'm pleased to SEE THEM today. Bus the fact IS that I'm NOT pleased to see them and would be happy if I never saw them again. The class runs SO MUCH BETTER without them because it seems their sole purpose in coming is to chat inanely to each other or talk loudly across the room when I am doing something at the front and trying to talk to the class MYSELF. The 'Leg Man' does NOTHING. His monitor/supervisor friend DOES at least do the work (mostly), but anyway I ignore him except to check what he is doing and that it is right. And although I hate to admit it, he does know more English than the others. Unlike Leg Man who, it is becoming clear, is quite a LOT below the others except when it comes to mindless chatter and inability to follow what is going on what is to be done. In THOSE things he is the MASTER SUPREMO!

So there I am wanting to get rid of this stupid fish and get the lesson started. I mean, all this is such a distraction, a waste of time and certainly NOT amusing to me at ALL. So I take this bag with the fish in and take it over to the bin. “No No No!!”, the students all say together like I'm about to do something really bad. OK, so I don't put it in the bin. Instead I turn around and try to give it back to this guy, but he doesn't want it. Well, I've had enough of this, so I throw it on the floor. Ohhh, there is a reaction from some of them, and 'Leg Man' indicates that this was a bad thing to do pointing up at the heavens as he says so.

Fish on the Floor – a terrible sin? Or was it just the fact that I threw a present onto the floor and this is a great insult? Seems that way. But this was no present. It was a stupid idea and a childish game he wanted to play. What's going to be next? Live crab?? Wriggling octopus??

Well, in the end he DID take this out of the classroom. First he wanted to hang the bag on the door but I said no as I didn't want the room smelling of fish. SO he took it away.

For the rest of that day, there was that fish-in-bag out in the rest area all alone just left on a table. Poor neglected fish!

Now then, we come to the possible symbolism of such a gift. I have searched online on the mighty Google but have found nothing at ALL about any significance of fish gifts, dead or otherwise.

HOWEVER .... have any of you out there watched “The Godfather” trilogy set of movies? Well, I haven't, but apparently there is a scene in one of them where a dead fish is given. Its significance? Well, in the prime mafia country of Sicily, it is a warning of death. It seems to mean, as I have now been told, that one of your family will be found at the bottom of a river somewhere. Literally, “sleeping with the fishes”!!

When I mentioned this fish gift to an online friend, she straight away came back with The Godfather and what it meant there. And one of my teaching colleagues also said the same.

Now, touch wood, all my family are safe and well and not in any danger. This is Saudi Arabia, not Sicily. Strange country, yes, but I think if there was any no-good thing going on then they would have other ways of going about it. Although this monitor/supervisor does have his “connections” to higher parts of the upper military ranks, I don't think it extends THAT far. So I rest easy .... though if any of you know of any significance of such a gift in Islamic and/or Saudi and/or Arabic culture then please let me know.

Basically I think it was just plain WEIRD and the attention seeking behaviour that you might come to expect of a boy of HALF his age. That is all I think it is.

Hmmm – what else has happened this week? Well, it was the end of course Week Number Five! How many more to go? No no NOOOOOO, don't start THAT again! Nobody knows the answer to THAT! But now, with the Wednesday off every month and a rumoured week off for the military students next month, this cuts down the time and, I suppose, breaks the course into significant halves. Not just one 'splurge' of week after week after week. Both we and they need a break. Well, of course THEY will get a break while WE will have nothing to do and will sit twiddling our thumbs for that week back in the office.

Ah yes, that reminds me of something else. Two new teachers are due to arrive soon – one of them this weekend or early next week. Quite what they'll do or how long THEY will be sitting doing nothing is anybody's guess. But that is not the issue. The thing is WHERE are they going to sit. Currently the desk and chair I use AND the desk and chair used by the teacher I share the military classes with is regarded as Temporary. In other words, we are not the long-term occupiers of those places. Who WILL be then? The new guys? Could be.

If the new guys are to do their teaching in the main building, then they would have, I suppose, more “claim” to those desks. Yeah, GREAT! So where would I SIT then?? I need afternoons for preparation time and I need desk space to put books, computer, pens and myself on. My arrangement now is that I keep the books and files I use on my desk so that when I come ion, they are easily accessible and I can get on with organising the next day fairly efficiently and in minimal time. If I did NOT have that desk space, then I'd have to faff around every afternoon getting those files and books out again and the resulting time would be longer and less well organised. And I'd feel less comfortable in general.

There are these desks and desk space for us out in the offices in the military area, you see. Yes, they are very nice desks and it is a nice office to work in. But there are no teaching books, no photocopier, no kettle for tea and for SURE no computers for word processing or internet work. Which means that that office space is useless except for comfy-chair value. Therefore it is useless to put us there permanently.

I know the Head of Department is trying to get more office space elsewhere by moving some of the Registrar staff to other locations. Indeed, there is brand new office space for them under construction now. Really it is VERY nice. But we all know how things move here. SNAILS GET READY!!

No doubt we will have a nice “surprise” when we walk in to the office on Saturday afternoon. Ha!! And just when you thought all the surprises were gone!

Other than this, it has been a fairly standard week. Good days and bad days. Trying to move through the ridiculous book – on one hand, showing that we ARE using it, but on the other hand using it as little as possible since it IS so useless.

Next week is Test Number 2 for them. Again it will be very interesting to see how they manage. I have learnt from the previous one and will know better how to put it together. A task for this weekend. Won't take long. Similar format to the previous one – two 'papers' with the first one being a mix and the second being question formation and a writing exercise. THIS time I'll get a picture they can write about.

Ahh, I forgot last week's “outing” to the shopping mall of the week (the Mall Of Dhahran in Khobar, for those of you who are counting!). Standard stuff mostly but with a few observations. Shopping mall visits are good for these.

The first one concerns a poster which I saw and had to work out WHAT I was seeing. I've seen such posters before with pixellated out areas. Never been quite sure why and up until now I always thought it was part of the design of the thing. Until I saw the one I did last Thursday.

Was a picture containing three young men and boys. One crouched down, the other two standing up in the background. With the boy sitting down, he seemed to have something with him. Some kind of pixellated-out white or light brown thing next to him. What could it be? And what were the two similar white or light brown things pixellated out behind him with the other two young men??

Worked it out yet? When I DID work it out, I just HAD TO LAUGH. But at the same time, it is complete STUPID.

OK, the blurred out bits were three DOGS! Yes, DOGS!!

Why, you ask, would they censor out photos of dogs?? Ah well, dogs and cats are considered “unclean” and dirty animals. No Saudi family keeps a dog indoors. And, in this heat, this doesn't give the poor canines much option. I don't know if they keep them as guard dogs, but you would suppose not given this that I saw on the poster.

I mean, DOGS of all things!! Pigs, yes, I might understand as pork is forbidden here. And, remembering back to the censored bits on Saudi-edited films on the plane, there are other things too which are “haram” (forbidden). But I don't see the logic in sparing people's eyes from DOGS. Well, I'm not much of a dog-lover, but come ON! They're not THAT bad, are they?

What else did I see? Well in this shopping mall, I was there the first time. “How exciting!”, you say as you drop off your chair asleep. Well ha ha HAA – do you think it's FUN FOR ME? Of COURSE I'd like more to do here but hey – this is what it is!! Anyway, the styles of women's abbaya and hejab were much more varied here. Saw a more loose fitting kind of head scarf coupled with what I can describe as a 'face mask' across the mouth. And there were even SOME Arab women with no face covering at ALL! Possibly from Bahrain where it is more relaxed.

Getting a bit tired of just seeing women in this way. It must be so HOT and uncomfortable for them under these black abbaya and hejab combinations. Especially the Saudi one which is more tight fitting on and around the head.

But .... still enjoying the ice latte coffee ..... MMMMMM!!! :) :)

Holidays - Clear as MUD!!

Sunday 10th May 2009
Well, to quote the great Ronnie Barker in his brilliant character, Arkright, in “Open All Hours”, “It's been a funny sort of day!”.


Actually there was nothing REMOTELY FUNNY (in the funny ha-ha sense of the word) at ALL! One of those days that you know you should just brush off as it really doesn't matter. But, on the other hand, it is a day that won't go away from my mind easily.


Hmm ..... perhaps I over-dramatise rather. Perhaps I'll just get on with what happened ....
In fact I must start off from yesterday afternoon. There was to be, as we were informed, a kind of graduation ceremony for, I suppose, out-going and successful students of the medical college here. The Saudi flags were out lining the ways up to the college and some kind of bigwig general was due to come to do the presentations and hand shaking and other stuff that happens at such things. All very nice.


Now then, because it was such a day, there were to be no lessons. But here's the thing, and here's the question that was not answered. Was this day off to include our military classes or not? Well, it was not clear since they had another one of these a week or so ago also with flags everywhere and this same general chappie with, I suppose, his medals and sabre-sword and all the trimmings. And on THAT occasion there was NO MENTION WHATSOEVER of there being any kind of day off for ANYONE. Not as far as I know, and for THAT day off was not rumoured to extend to OUR military students.


So why should the occasion today have been any different? Well, the rumour was put around that there were no lessons on this day. For whom did this apply? Obviously it included teachers who taught regular medical students since they would be at this ceremony one would imagine.
Well the Head of Department didn't know. Our military students didn't mention it, nor did anyone in charge down at the place we teach those students.


WHY, therefore, should we assume that the day off SHOULD include our soldier boys??


Towards the end of the day the Head of Department did whizz round and did happen to mention that it WAS a day off for ALL. But you see – information shared around here is never cut and dried and should never be taken as read. I decided, together with my teaching colleague who I share these classes with, that the sensible thing to do would be to go along as normal in the morning. And, quite simply, if there were or were NOT students there waiting for us, then this would be all the proof that was needed. Those students would surely have been informed if THEY were going to have a day off.


So, this morning came, and over we went. Indeed, yes, there our students were sitting and waiting like they always do. So that seemed the end of any argument. A few other medical students in their green doctors-to-be uniforms turned up too. And there were the usual number of cleaning staff and those higher ranking men in berets were there too. Also, there were a number of other men in uniform hanging around. But they probably came with the presentation party, or some associated 'entourage'.


In we went, did the lessons, home for lunch. It actually wasn't a great day of teaching, but more later.


Now, I went back to the office rather later than normal. It was nearing 1pm when I got there which is rather stretching the lunchbreak a little too far. Normally nobody says anything when I go in. THIS TIME, when I got in to the staffroom, the Head of Department said my name as soon as he saw me walk through the door. Instantly I thought it's be trouble for arriving back so late. THAT might have been a justified thing to have a go at me for. But no – it was not that simple.


Why had I gone to my classes this morning, he demanded to know. This took me back, and I explained that the students were there ready for class so the lesson was obviously on as normal. “NO!”, he yelled in his overbearing voice, “You were supposed NOT to go and teach there today. Your classes were cancelled!!”. So WHY were the students THERE, I asked. “Doesnt matter!”, he said, “By doing that, you have given them a FREEBIE lesson and this will set a precedent later and will just cause trouble for all the OTHER TEACHERS another time!”. “But they were THERE!!”, I said again. “And what would have happened if we HADN'T turned up? They would have been there for nothing and would, rightly, have complained. And then ALL SORTS of trouble would have come out of it!!”. “But no, this was NOT right still because those students SHOULD HAVE been informed and it is not our fault that nobody DID inform them! This is an army matter that should have been dealt with by the military people! The fact that THEY did not inform those students is NOT OUR PROBLEM!”


I went on to point out AGAIN that it would have looked MUCH WORSE if we,as teachers, had NOT TURNED UP. Well, you know how it works around here. Had we not turned up then the students would have demanded this lesson be made up another time. Bad feeling would be created when we teachers protested it was not our fault that they did not know. Things would have been escalated. And, most likely, this day that would have been lost would SURELY been added on to extend this blasted even FURTHER into Ramadan.


The course is already rumoured to be going into Ramadan and to be ending on Wednesday 26th August. When the registrar guy came in, those three weeks ago, to finally give the class registers to the Head Of Department, I CLEARLY heard him say that the course WOULD continue one week into Ramadan. This issue I took up with the HoD, and the discussion that was had I wrote about a few blogs ago.


But guess what – The HoD denied that this was ever said. I reminded him of that conversation that HE HAD HAD with the registrar guy when he came in that time. Denial again. “And this course WILL NOT go into Ramadan! It CAN'T DO!!”.


Huh!! “It CAN'T DO!!”. What rubbish! Only the day before had discussion taken place with the HoD and some other teachers about the fact that there is NO WAY we can predict when we can book our flights out for the summer. Why? Because you can never know what is coming up.
So you see – the course WILL and WON'T continue into the Ramadan period!! Completely logical. Just remember where I am!!


WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!!


Yelling at US TEACHERS for doing our jobs! Saying we need to be “united” in this to stand against ..... whatever it is we're opposing. Putting the blame on ME AND MY COLLEAGUE because we showed a responsibility towards our students!!


Maybe he does not like this military class and the increasing influence the military HAS on what goes on in the college. But does he want to INCREASE the difficulties just to be “united” as he put it.


I have no worries that I did the wrong thing. The consequences of NOT GOING in this morning when the students WERE there would have been FAR WORSE I'm SURE!


If someone wants to yell at me, then let it be for a legitimate reason. NOT for some situation that I did not cause nor make worse!!


OK, enough of THAT. Well, it was a bad day in class too. Yesterday had been a really GOOD day with a responsive, nice bunch. TODAY there was a large element of them that were VERY distracted for some reason. Perhaps it was how I started off the day. I suppose it was a rather bits-and-pieces kind of day, but I got to make things last out somehow. And I had some old photocopies that needed using up or binning. HOWEVER, despite this, they would NOT keep quiet today, and this continued and got worse as the morning went on.


Now, I'm normally a pretty tolerant kind of teacher. Perhaps I am too lenient at times. A little bit of background chatter is OK. And I don't object too much when there are used bottles of water left lying around at the end of class. That's what the cleaning staff are for! Today, as time went on and the background chatter got more and more, I felt I'd had enough.


There was also an incident at the start of one lesson – maybe Lesson 2 or 3. One of the students had lost one of the dark lenses from his sunglasses. Now, I don't know how it got there, but for some reason one other student had it on his person somewhere and when he stood up to look for it, the lens fell on the floor (from somewhere) and broke. Yes, it was a glass lens, and not a lightweight one either.


So here we were. Broken glass from this lens was on the floor. Who should clean it up? Now, at first I asked the guy it had dropped from to pick up the pieces. He objected with loud Arabic protests. OK, so they should BOTH pick up the pieces. Chatter chatter, blabber blabber BLABBER! Much annoyance all round. I was not going to let this go – broken glass on a classroom floor and a room full of medical students-to-be. STILL I insisted they BOTH clear it up. In the end they did. I did not know or care WHY this lens had broken or WHY the guy had it on him. Maybe someone else played a joke. Anyway, the guy whose sunglasses these were then put the one-eye sunglasses in the bin. NOT very happy! And nor was I!! Silly to argue who should clean this up!! Like KIDS!!


This had annoyed me, but I continued. However, when the 'sunglasses man' wouldn't stop talking away, I decided I was NOT going to keep trying to talk over him OR ANYONE ELSE! They were ALL talking at once – probably about this incident. SO enough was enough – I went and sat down until they had SHUT UP! Had to do this later on too in the next lesson.


In the last lesson I had had ENOUGH of it all and got more severe. Now, again, if they are a little late back after breaktime then it's OK. But right NOW it was NOT OK, and after waiting for them for way too long. I went out and told them to GET IN HERE in one minute's time or they'd ALL be marked as absent!!


Most of them DID move and come in. But when the minute was up, they were not all in. Three were missing, and it was the usual two idiots plus 'sunglasses man'. All were marked absent.
Of course they attempted to wander in later. “You're ABSENT!”, I told them when they came in. “Ohh teacher! Can you forget it?”, one asked (the supervisor/monitor idiot). “NO!!”, I said, “Look at the time, you are late and so you are absent!”. “But I was only washing my face!”, he said. It was eight minutes into the lesson at this point. THIS is the guy who is supposed to be in charge of the admin side of the class and is a few years older than the others. The other guy (the one who had broken his leg or ankle playing football in Week 1) then came in trying to do his “Creep Creep” thing. Absent!


So he and his supervisor “buddy” went out again!! FINE!! Better off without BOTH of you!
But this brings to mind two more things. The “leg man” had asked me yesterday if he could go to the hospital because they were going to take off his plaster cast today. Sounded good, so I let him. Bit what did I see today morning? He STILL had the plaster cast on him. “A new one!”, he said. Yeah right – and did THAT take the WHOLE MORNING?? Talking of freebies earlier – he had given HIMSELF a freebie yesterday I reckon.


Also, at the start of the lesson the supervisor/monitor guy needed to share the coursebook of one other student as he didn't have his own. So he moved places, and was sitting behind the “leg man”. A little time later I saw him leaning forward and he appeared to be whispering something into “Leg man” 's ear. He had that sinster smile on his face as he was doing it too. Looked really weird!!


Well, they do seem to get on well together. They sometimes share a car in the mornings too. And maybe they like to share other things too ..... ;) ;) Who knows!


So a bad teaching day full of non-listening and a stupid accident and me having enough and “reading the riot act”. I will now clamp down more firmly from now on with the register and with punctuality. If they take the mickey and don't show the proper respect, then THIS “Teacher David” will get nasty.


I hope it won't come to that as they've been quite alright to teach so far ....


And what will happen in August? Well, it seems that I WILL AND WON'T have a holiday from Wednesday 19th. Clear? As MUD!!

Feelin' Hot Hot Hottttt!!

Sunday 3rd May 2009
Yes, yes, I know. It's NOT a very original title, “Feelin' Hot Hot HOTTT”, and yes I DO know it's much like the previous blog entry title. But the fact DOES remain that as from the beginning of last week it really HAS become VERY hot here in Saudi Arabia.

“And what does 'very hot' mean to YOU?”, you ask. Well, I'm talking days where the mid-day temperature is up to something like 45 celsius as it was on more than one occasion. “And how does that feel?”, you ask again. Well, I could give you a couple of analogies which would help you. Firstly, you know the heat you get when you open the oven door when you're putting something in or checking or whatever? THAT is one way to look at it. Oh, and another way – maybe less realistic - is that it is like standing some distance from a jet engine near take-off. Yes, HEAT is one thing but when there's a wind to go with it THEN you know you're in trouble. And THEN it's time to get indoors.

But on a serious point, I've said it before and I'll repeat it here. It REALLY doesn't take much exposure to the Saudi sun for it to affect you. Yes, maybe I'm developing a nice tan, but I'm not sure I want to. I mean, a tan is one thing but me with my rather white European skin is at a HIGH RISK of some bad sunburn or, even WORSE, at a risk of sunstroke. “So stay indoors!”, you say. Of course I WILL, but I can't avoid being outside always. I have to get from my block to the place I'm teaching in and then, later, from my block to the main college building. Only four journeys a day, and each one only 5 minutes at most, but when the heat is on it can STILL do a lot of damage.

It isn't just the working days. At weekends I will be in town and am likely to be outdoors more (though, again, I try NOT to be). Things like waiting for taxis kind of REQUIRE one person to be standing in a place where the taxi can see you. And that means in the sun, and it doesn't matter if you're in the shade or not.

Another thing is that you can be 'deceived'. You can THINK that it doesn't feel so hot standing there and you may even think how NICE it is. But because of the fact that it is a rather intense heat, you for SURE feel it only a short time later. Yesterday I and another teacher colleague were in town to cash our pay cheques. After having done this, we were waiting for another taxi to take us to our next destination. This place we were going wasn't far, but far enough in the heat. We must have waited 10 minutes or so. Later on in the evening we did the same, and even though it was somewhat cooler, it was still the equivalent of a very warm summer evening back in Europe. I got back home that night with rather a headache – in fact, I'd had this headache even BEFORE we set off into town. And together with this headache, I REALLY didn't feel good in the stomach region.

Last night I went to bed feeling REALLY not good, and at around 2am I woke up ALSO feeling not great with a strange feeling in my stomach. So I went to get a drink of juice and back to bed. This morning I still didn't feel too well and my walk to work was rather slower than normal. But good amounts of water and a class to keep me going worked well enough. There's nothing like a good English lesson to revive!

Hold on! You just used the words, “good”, and “class”, in the same sentence (though not together)! Well, this leads us on to my progress so far with the soldier boys. And it's really not that bad!

I'm now halfway through Week 3 of this 18-week course with these soldier boys. And guess what – it's not going so badly after all! Yes, I DID say that!

In fact, the problems so far have been not so much with THEM as students but with deciding what to do with them so as to keep them busy for those four lesson periods a day. However, I seem to be managing it! I don't know that I'm keeping them entertained and perhaps not all the time intellectually stimulated. But I have been able to pass the time quite satisfactorily and I haven't run out of material yet in any lesson. For sure I haven't felt under pressure to give more than I am doing already. No, it doesn't mean that my lessons are the greatest I've ever done. I think I've been doing too much photocopying for one thing, and I haven't been that original and haven't created much of my own stuff. All the materials I've used have been taken from or adapted from existing stuff in the college or is worksheets and/or handouts which I have found online. Finding online has been easier than normal – all I've put into Google is something like, “describing people worksheets”, and then I either look at the 'Images' or at the websites themselves that come up. I've found really LOTS of good, useful stuff which I WILL be able to use in future. SO that makes it DOUBLY useful! Well, you could criticise and say, “WHY not create your own instead of using other stuff which might not be suitable?”. Ah, but it IS suitable, or if not then I make it so.

Times like this, I feel that my experience in the 'TEFL Game' comes into great effect! So a worthy Pat On The Back is due here :)

Apart from the teaching, there has been some interesting 'class chemistry' going on. Remember the “supervisor” or “monitor” guy I mentioned last time? Well, last Wednesday he asked me if he could go to Riyadh early and this meant he was going to miss the last two lessons. I certainly didn't mind – a class without HIM is always going to be a better one! Later on – some way into Lesson 3 or 4 – one of the military bigwigs came in to ask him a question. Uh-Oh he wasn't there! HAH! He wasn't doing the job he was SUPPOSED to be doing.

And what IS that job? Well, the extend of it is not entirely clear, but it includes taking some kind of attendance register which he gets me to sign for each of the four lessons. Ah HAH – but in fact he doesn't do his job HERE EITHER since he has never done this properly yet and I have only once or twice had to sign for ALL four lessons! So he hands that in incomplete! And I have heard today about another task that was given to him. Yesterday after Lesson 4, one of the officers came in and summoned all the students together and took them off somewhere for a meeting of some kind. TODAY I have found out that it was THIS “MONITOR” GUY'S TASK to lead this meeting. And what was it all about? Well ..... to 'remind' the others about the importance of attendance, punctuality, being a good student and the like!!! HIM telling THEM about THAT?? Couldn't have picked a worse guy. Even this morning he came into class and then went out saying he had to go get his book from his car. And he is pretty much always the last into class after break times!

Then there is “The Sleeper”. A guy who seems to be in another time zone to the rest of the class and who always says how he dislikes studying and how the three years of medical college is a VERY long time and will make him an old man. More likely it will make his future TEACHERS old men – old and angry with frustration at having HIM in their class. I mean, he sits there doing almost NOTHING. And for SURE NOTHING in Lessons 3 and 4. He is the kind of guy who, after giving the other students something to do is STILL THERE staring into space and has no idea where we are. He is 10 or 15 minutes behind the others. And yet he always says he wants to learn and that he wants to be a nurse. But he clearly is anti-study and is the sort of guy who is either gonna do all he can to avoid it or expect it all to come to him on a silver platter. Well, I hope he's not going to be MY DOCTOR!

But I really must say this. Apart from the fact that is a long morning for the students AND for me, I have to say that the MAJORITY of them ARE motivated to learn and are keen to do the things that we do. I would say that 4 or maybe 5 of them really ARE at a low level – though nothing so low as to demotivate them. I try not to go at too fast a pace though it can be hard if you just look at the more able students. And, like always, I go willingly around to help any individuals who need it. They all get involved and I think they feel they are not left out. I hope so anyway.

So what else have I been doing? Well, perhaps some observations and comments are due from the weekends out and other trips into town ....

I spend much time now in shopping malls around town (unfortunately) now. They have never been my favourite places to spend time. However, here they are nicely air conditioned and cool from the heat of the day. And, as I've said before, they are pretty much all there is to do with the exception of a few scattered cafes in town – one of which (called 'Mondo' – it's a short way behind “Tamimi's” down in Khobar) has become one of my very favourites. But only because of their excellent frappuccino. And the nice big-screen TV :D Oh, no I'm not quite sure what a frappuccino is, but I think it involves milk, ice cream, cream, sugar, chocolate/cocoa and other good, good things. And lots of ice.

So now, to some “Arab Ways” and the things that they wear. Here is your Arabic vocabulary mini-lesson of the day ....

MEN – (not sure of the spelling of these) the THOBE is the long, white Muslim 'gown' made of (I think) cotton that most of them wear almost everywhere. This goes with the GUTRA, which is what we would refer to as the red checked 'tea towel' on their heads. There is a name for the black 'band' they have on their heads to secure it from falling off or blowing away, but I don't remember its name.

WOMEN – I've mentioned these many times already. The ABBAYA is the long, black (sometimes with patterns) 'gown' that, in fact, ALL women (foreign or native Arab) are required to wear when outside the home. Hmmm, well I say ALL, but many western women do not wear it. And with the ABBAYA for the Saudi women goes the HEJAB which is what they put over their heads and faces to hide everything except the eyes (and sometimes even the eyes are hidden!).

ARAB GREETINGS – according to what I was told and read about, Saudis greet other with a handshake and/or nod and the standard greeting is “Salaam alikam” to which you reply “Alikam salaam”.

BUT there's more, and THIS is a weird one to watch. The times where, presumable, friends greet each other is a much more 'intimate' greeting. It seems to be a kiss on the right cheek followed by some kind of softly spoken words in the ear, and then maybe another kiss on the right cheek. Not sure if the left cheek gets a kiss. But to me as a western man it looks like something not comfortable. Well, a greeting between friends should be warm and friendly, yes, but the kiss and “secret message” just looks strange.

MORE ON THE GUTRA – there are different ways to arrange your gutra on or around your head. Many men just wear it loose and hanging, but I suppose sometimes it must get hot around the summer season. SO what many ALSO do is fold it, arrange it in some other way, pile it up on top of the head or try to wrap it around their head in some other way. You sometimes see them looking in mirrors in the gent's toilet arranging it and checking how it looks. It becomes like long hair for many. I bet there are experts in Gutra Arrangement around who maybe have a Gutra Of The Week column in some tabloid newspaper or magazine somewhere. And I can just see it being a daytime TV hit!

Ohh, and I HAVE TO MENTION the gutra of the week that I saw yesterday in the Rashid Mall in Khobar. I mean, I've NEVER seen anything like THIS before. This guy actually had two black TASSLES coming out of the back of his gutra and danging down way down his back. A kind of Turkish influence? Quite extraordinary!

ARAB MEN OUT SHOPPING – also raising eyebrows sometimes is when you see Arab men walking around the shopping mall with one of those .... well, it's what you might call a fashion shopping bag. I mean, the kind of thing you get if you shop at some kind of boutique – the kind of rather stiff rectangular bag with the string handles. Sometimes people use them as an alternative to wrapping paper for presents in Europe. They look very nice under the Xmas tree.

FRIENDS LEADING FRIENDS – something you would NEVER see in the west is friends leading other friends by the hand somewhere. Well, in fact, one friend takes the wrist of another if he wants him to go with him somewhere. So I guess he's taking him somewhere, and I'm sure it's a good, honest friendly gesture. But to my western eyes it looks like ..... well, rather like 'holding hands'. Except that it isn't. So don't confuse it as such!

OK, that's that. Last week was a nice and more laid back week than normal due to it being the mid-term break for most of the college. I say “most” because it didn't include my class of soldier boys or my colleague's. But it was nice! Almost NOBODY was about the staffroom or college. So a nice LOOOOOOONG lunchtime was had every working day at home followed by going back to the college, doing the photocopies that were needed and then going BACK HOME!

Well, I think we deserved that! We wanted a holiday too, and it was almost the same!